Babi-tization - Step One

REN speaks:

For the benefit of non-Malay speakers, the word “babi” literally means pig. And the phrase “cheena babi” (Chinese pig) is a derogatory term for stereotypical Chinese people.

I’m not ruling out babis at all. What the hell, I AM one. In fact, one would be shocked to know that the love of our lives were Chinese.
It’s just the stereotypes of ANY race that I can‘t picture myself with.

Back to that night at Balaclava Ruby was talking about..
I was waiting for Ruby at Balaclava.. A club which she recommended were crawling with babis... I texted Ruby.. “First guy I find attractive here is Punjabi. And he is with some chick. Darn..” When she arrived moments later, she IMMEDIATELY identified the one I was checking out. So I took a little comfort in the fact that I wasn‘t alone in my exotic taste. we realized he was some local celebrity... but whatever.
Now, ONE of the fun parts of the night... It WASN"T the guy with that “single” T-shirt we were joking about Rube. At least THAT guy was hip, in his own way. It was another guy, who was fat, nerdy and probably looked 10 years older than what he really was.
We didn’t have anyone to check out.. So I decided to have a little fun.

REN:
Rube, I’ll give you $100 to fuck this guy next to me.

RUBY:
(Eyes widened) Are you nuts? No way!

REN:
Okay, fine. $200.

RUBY:
No! I wouldn’t do it for a million dollars!

REN:
(seriously giving it some thought) I’m not joking. I’m offering you REAL money. I’m not telling you a million dollars because I don’t have it. These are realistic amounts.. So I’m telling you I’m good for it. I swear I’ll pay if you do it.

RUBY:
No!

REN:
Hmmmm.. Okay, $300!

RUBY:
No way!

REN:
(pause.. she's killing me here, but she could have bought me some laughs that would last me a lifetime) $500!!

RUBY:
No!

REN:
Hmmmm… okay, I don’t have cash and I don’t have my cheque book with me. If you’ll do it, we’ll go to the ATM now.

RUBY:
No!

REN:
Fine, fine! $1000!!!! That’s a trip to ANYWHERE in the world!

RUBY:
Ren! I can’t! I just can’t!

REN:
(I lifted my handbag and emptied its contents onto the table) I don’t have much cash with me, but this is what you’re getting. All my cash, my cards which I will withdraw the $1000 with, my mobile phone, PLUS my ipod. So! Do we have a deal?

RUBY:
Rube took another look at the guy, shook her head vigorously, and cried.. (in jest of course) No!!!!

REN:
(HAHAHAHA.. Oh well, on hind sight, I heaved a sigh of relief. )When we left that night.. I turned to Ruby and said.. “okay, we came, we tried”.

RUBY: no! it’s at least a four step process.

REN: Are you nuts?!!! you must be out of your mind! You’re actually thinking of doing this… AGAIN???

RUBY: Ren! At least 4 times before we call it quits.

REN: what the fuck!