Take Precaution for Spasms.. ‘Cos it’s Fucking Contagious!

REN speaks:

I must have done something good in my life, because I don’t know how Rube can still love me.

I verbally abuse her, she giggles.
I physically slap her, she laughs.
I tell her to shut her face, she clenches her lips and turns away.
Whenever we make plans to meet, I wouldn’t give her that extra hour after work to go to the gym. I curse at her, saying, “fuck you! forget it! I’m making other plans! Don‘t waste my freakin‘ time!!“ She asks for a compromise, promising to wrap up in 45 minutes.. And I continue to curse.. threatening that she’s off my friends list. And she gives in!

The shit she puts up for me isn’t funny. She’s a puki buddy for life. HAHAHAHA!!

So there was I, waiting at BQ bar yesterday evening. Absolutely no one was in there. I was still relishing in my spasm spree.. I almost dropped my phone while messaging her (that wouldn’t be the first time). My fingers trembled upon my first sip of white wine. I threw my head on the table, just trying to get a grip on myself.
She arrives.

REN:
Hey baby! You havin’ beer? I’m spasming by the way.

RUBY:
HAHAHAHA!

REN:
I’m trying to numb the puki again..

(Ruby was going on and on about Ted.. This is what she said..)

RUBY:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

REN:
Uh huh…

RUBY:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

REN:
Uh huh…

RUBY:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

REN:
Uh huh…
Urgh… (spasm)

RUBY:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

REN:
Urgh…

RUBY:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

REN:
Urgh…
Urgh…
Urgh…
Rube, I’m not listening to your bull.. I’m in my own Urgh… world.

RUBY:
Puki lah you!

REN:
Fuck man.. You know, I feel like I could do anyone, but when it comes down to it, I still can’t.. fuck man..

RUBY:
What’s your problem woman?? If you have needs, just do it! Do it! Do it!

REN:
Fuck man.. I’m just going to drink it away.. (picks up wine glass, still trembling.. Almost spitting it out..) urgh!

(I think we almost share the same puki. Because my spasms were apparently dangerously contagious. Frankly, I don’t think we remember what we were chatting about.. All we remembered was... our mouths were moving, but we were in actuality talking to ourselves. Separately. I was on the brink of pulling my hair out, when suddenly 2 pieces of cheese shot out of Ruby’s mouth..)

REN:
What the fuck!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

RUBY:
HAHAHAHAHAA!

REN:
HAHAHAHAHAHA!

RUBY:
HAHAHAHAHAA!

REN:
HAHAHAHAHAHA!

RUBY:
HAHAHAHAHAA!

REN:
HAHAHAHAHAHA!

RUBY and REN:
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

(I was swaying to the tacky music on my bar stool. Rube was talking about god knows what..)

RUBY:
Blah, blah, blah…

REN:
Rube, gimme 3 more sways, I’m there.

RUBY:
Puki la you!

REN:
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Puki freakin’ tense babe..

RUBY:
Well, if you won’t help yourself, what can I do?

*We decided to wrap up after 2 drinks (which is TOTALLY unheard of) when my friend text messaged me about joining her and her friends at another pub. Rube didn’t mind, so we got off our pukis, ran some errands, and took a train to (we took the train so you can imagine how sober we were when all that was taking place) the next watering hole. We got there, and said our hellos. Most of them were babis.

REN turns to RUBY:
Rube, I’m cured. I’m not kidding. I feel like I have no puki. FUCK MAN.

RUBY:
I know!!!!

REN:
I can’t believe this.. Not a single shit.. No nerves.. This IS an instant cure man.. But now I’m suffering from vaginal depression. Fuck. Let’s get the hell out of here.
***************************************
We came home and Rube beeps me on MSN:

RUBY:
Jason (half white, half indian) is on the msn with me.. telling him bout u!
Hahaha! Selling u to him

REN:
my puki is not workiing now. shit man

RUBY:
its ok!

REN:
i think we have more fun on our own

RUBY:
uh-huh!

REN:
i can spasz out with you

RUBY:
bad sial! Kiekie thank you thank you! hahahahaha
isn't it great! hahaha
i am telling jason.. that i am high and he needs to start talking dirty

REN:
indian name jason! Wtf!

RUBY:
Hahah jason robinson.. u will like!

REN:
puki

RUBY:
marjorie robinson -sim

REN:
puki.. It’s an SPG name.. i like exotic names man
ask him to change his name. hahahah!!

RUBY:
i'll send u his picture.. hang on..
wait!

(i open the photo file)

REN:
fucking ang mo man
where's the exotic blood?
hahahaha...

RUBY:
yeah.. but he has very indian eyes.. hahaha

REN:
that's true.. he IS cute

RUBY:
the only thing indian about him is his whiskey gene!
hahaha... i know u would like..

REN:
hahaha... me LOVE.. me like indian/italian features, but NONE of the accent, NONE of the typical eccentricities... the rest of him could be white-like.. woah... BEST!

RUBY:
think his cock so big ah! take picture like that..
hahahaha... handsome bugger.. 17.5 cm.. he's thick!

REN:
well, he's indian, so he MUST be big.. hahaha..
he IS a cute fucker i have to say..

RUBY:
his idea of dirty talk..
“JASON says:
did u think about my 17,25cm long and thick cock?”

REN:
eeeeyew.... that's YOUR kind of dirty talk. me no like..
your kind is either damn dirty like this, or damn nerdy like ted

RUBY:
hahahaha

REN:
i like talk that keeps me awake man

RUBY:
i would take ted’s talk anyday.. Hahaha.. u kw the best bit..
with ted i can laugh when i am screwing him. hahaha

REN:
yeah, that's the best. me love that too...
but the act of turning on.. is an art. words and language fucking turns me on man..
what i like...not too straightforward, not to childish.. not too direct, yet not too pretentious.
god.. I’m sooooo hard to please..

RUBY:
tell me about it!!! geez....

REN:
fuck.. spasms coming back.

*fuck for thought: we all know what to do for safe sex.. but is there a protection device to fight against spasms? because it's freakin' airborne!!