World Cup Maddess!
Ruby Speaks Yet again :
The spirit of Brazil is in the streets, in the stores, in the trains.. it's every where i look. I read the papers and there it is! Brazilian soccer players splashed across the page!
I get huge spasmic shocks everytime i see someone in Green and Yellow. Could this nightmare get any worst??
I see girls decked out in Brazilian colours and i think to myself.. do they even know what they are getting themselves into? Wafer thin bodies will snap and be returned to them in two pieces. Ren got picked up by a Brazilian one night but she didn't dare take it further.
Which brings me back.. Can i do Brazilian another time?? I'm free today so i actually made a list of all the things that made the Brazilian FAIL in bed.
1. NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding my lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones made me feel like he's paying by the hour and trying to get his money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A properly passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2. SQUEEZING MY BREAST. He acted like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when he got his hands on my babies.
3. BITING MY NIPPLES. He fasten onto my nipples, then clamp down like he's trying to deflate my body via my breasts. He needs to learn that nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. He could have licked and suck them gently, Flicking his tongue across them would be good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.
4. TWIDDLING MY NIPPLES. He should have really stopped doing that thing where he twiddle my nipples between finger and thumb like he's trying to find a radio station in a hilly area.
5. IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF MY BODY. My body is not a highway with just three exits: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of my body that he ignored before he went bombing straight into downtown Vagina.
6. HE LEFT ME A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. Since he wore it, he should have stored it.
7. ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so stop digging into me!
8. UNDRESSING ME AWKWARDLY. I hate looking stupid, but stupid was the way i looked naked at the waist with my dress stuck over my head.
9. GIVING ME A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking me gently through my panties was sexy but Pulling the material up between my thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
10. UNDRESSING ME PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before i at least made some move towards getting your stuff off.
11. GOING TOO FAST. When he got to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing he did was pump away like an industrial power tool. I felt like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by his technology.
12. GOING TOO HARD. He bashed his great triangular footballer hip bones into my thigh and stomach. the pain was equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
13. KEPT ON ASKING IF I CAME. He should really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if he really did't know, he shouldn't have ask.
14. NUDGING MY HEAD DOWN. He persisted in doing this until i was eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by my hair.
15. MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. He thrusted till i was on the verge of gagging. I should be the only one moving during fellatio. He just had to lie there!
16. ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. This is how he earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If he wanted to put it there, he should have asked me first.
17. SLAPPING HIS STOMACH MINE. There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
18. ARRANGING ME IN STUPID POSES. If i wanted to do advanced yoga in bed that's fine but i am not a Romanian gymnast! He should have asked himself if he wanted a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings before he even proceeded with me.. i was in HELL!
19. GIVING ME LOVE BITES. It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of my neck but then again, I had a fucking blister on my neck for the next 2 weeks. Thank god for concealer!
20. BARKING INSTRUCTIONS AT ME. He was shouting encouragement and positioning change like the coach that he was with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.
21. SQUASHING ME. He lied on me a bit too heavily, i actually turned blue and blanked out.
22. THANKING ME AFTER HE CAME. He should learn that he should NEVER thank a woman for having sex with him. His bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
I think that should be reason enough for me to delete his number. Yikes!
The spirit of Brazil is in the streets, in the stores, in the trains.. it's every where i look. I read the papers and there it is! Brazilian soccer players splashed across the page!
I get huge spasmic shocks everytime i see someone in Green and Yellow. Could this nightmare get any worst??
I see girls decked out in Brazilian colours and i think to myself.. do they even know what they are getting themselves into? Wafer thin bodies will snap and be returned to them in two pieces. Ren got picked up by a Brazilian one night but she didn't dare take it further.
Which brings me back.. Can i do Brazilian another time?? I'm free today so i actually made a list of all the things that made the Brazilian FAIL in bed.
1. NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding my lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones made me feel like he's paying by the hour and trying to get his money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A properly passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2. SQUEEZING MY BREAST. He acted like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when he got his hands on my babies.
3. BITING MY NIPPLES. He fasten onto my nipples, then clamp down like he's trying to deflate my body via my breasts. He needs to learn that nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. He could have licked and suck them gently, Flicking his tongue across them would be good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.
4. TWIDDLING MY NIPPLES. He should have really stopped doing that thing where he twiddle my nipples between finger and thumb like he's trying to find a radio station in a hilly area.
5. IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF MY BODY. My body is not a highway with just three exits: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of my body that he ignored before he went bombing straight into downtown Vagina.
6. HE LEFT ME A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. Since he wore it, he should have stored it.
7. ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so stop digging into me!
8. UNDRESSING ME AWKWARDLY. I hate looking stupid, but stupid was the way i looked naked at the waist with my dress stuck over my head.
9. GIVING ME A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking me gently through my panties was sexy but Pulling the material up between my thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
10. UNDRESSING ME PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before i at least made some move towards getting your stuff off.
11. GOING TOO FAST. When he got to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing he did was pump away like an industrial power tool. I felt like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by his technology.
12. GOING TOO HARD. He bashed his great triangular footballer hip bones into my thigh and stomach. the pain was equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
13. KEPT ON ASKING IF I CAME. He should really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if he really did't know, he shouldn't have ask.
14. NUDGING MY HEAD DOWN. He persisted in doing this until i was eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by my hair.
15. MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. He thrusted till i was on the verge of gagging. I should be the only one moving during fellatio. He just had to lie there!
16. ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. This is how he earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If he wanted to put it there, he should have asked me first.
17. SLAPPING HIS STOMACH MINE. There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
18. ARRANGING ME IN STUPID POSES. If i wanted to do advanced yoga in bed that's fine but i am not a Romanian gymnast! He should have asked himself if he wanted a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings before he even proceeded with me.. i was in HELL!
19. GIVING ME LOVE BITES. It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of my neck but then again, I had a fucking blister on my neck for the next 2 weeks. Thank god for concealer!
20. BARKING INSTRUCTIONS AT ME. He was shouting encouragement and positioning change like the coach that he was with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.
21. SQUASHING ME. He lied on me a bit too heavily, i actually turned blue and blanked out.
22. THANKING ME AFTER HE CAME. He should learn that he should NEVER thank a woman for having sex with him. His bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
I think that should be reason enough for me to delete his number. Yikes!
posted by The S-Word Sisters @ 4:27 PM
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