Destination DICK

RUBY:
babe.. i am fucked up.

REN:
what happened?

RUBY:
i am restless and horny... feel like exploding. me horny as hell! AS HEEEEELLLL!

REN:
you drunk now?

RUBY:
high.. i was like depressed at the wedding.. i was at the bar counter.. helping myself to champagne.

REN:
how was the wedding? no cuties?

RUBY:
nothing... DRY as hell

REN:
:( okay, this Monday. i'll get you one. OPERATION COCK in progress..

RUBY:
i need to forget. u need to do this for me ok? everytime i mention mr S.. u must slap me. serious.. i really wanna forget..

REN:
i think you need regular fucks to get over him

RUBY:
yeah... i must do this.. i think he's like my baggage.. tat i carry ard.. i need to start anew.

REN:
you do talk about him a lot

RUBY:
i kNow.. i can't help it though.. cos i made a lot of memories with him.. and experiences are always a first.. so i remember.. and when something comes up... i always get reminded..

REN:
classic case of.. CURSE OF A GOOD COCK

RUBY:
yeahhh.... i dun wanna be dragging myself to him ever again... i feel down.. and i think about him.. shit manzzz..

REN:
it's ok to get reminded. as long as you detach the romantic emotions that affect you.

RUBY:
i think we should really go for speed dating for the fun of it.. i want a cock to keep lah so i dun have to keep on looking.. me sick and tired.. yeah... if i can find out to keep.. it would be fantastic. shall we go for speed dating..

REN:
oh no, there she goes about the speed dating thing again... noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

RUBY:
hahahaha to keep our options open.. plssssssss lahhh..

REN:
why? you need company for that? BI....G sacrifice on my part you know..

RUBY:
like its not on MINE???

REN:
haha goodness.. what if i cry? from boredom?

RUBY:
we can both cry together!

REN:
where are these things anyway? absolutely no clue.

RUBY:
i gotta go look.. but i heard they have ‘em over in bars these days.. with alcohol!

REN:
!!!!!! Oh! You sure know how to sell me the idea.. BUT sekali the guys begin to look handsome after a few drinks…

RUBY:
Not a bad thing.. until the morning after tat is!

REN:
If i wake up with an ugly fuck next to me, you won't hear the end of it man..
but actually, if you're really looking for a cock for keeps, that might be the way to go because they're probably looking for the same thing.

RUBY:
its time to go back to our roots - asian.. hahaha i will even go to an indian.. if he's nice

REN:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Major breakthrough!!

RUBY:
hahahaha

REN:
Wah..

RUBY:
that just shows how despo i am... maybe i am just drunk. i think i am smashed.

REN:
if you hear a loud scream from the other side of the room, it'll be me screaming from the sight of a small cock.

RUBY:
CHOY! CHOY! big cock come hit me in the face! hahaha

REN:
okok..

RUBY:
set! i am starting at zero man count. I “khallas” all my boys already..

REN:
i'm going to regret this....

Hold the Espresso mate, Hit me with a REAL shot

REN reviews:
Woohoo! Re-runs of Coupling is scheduled on Star World on Sundays. The series is often unfairly referred to as the British version of American sitcom, Friends.

But I think Coupling displays a more raw, more truthful and more direct approach to sex without making it sound too vulgar. The language is of course, censored in Singapore. So I recommend that you get the DVDs.

This is how I would compare them in a NUTShell:
Friends is about coffee and courtship.
Coupling is about booze and bonking.

What’s YOUR brew?

"High" Maintenance

REN speaks:
So what if you really ARE high maintenance Rube? As long as you are living within your means, who has the right to judge that? And don’t they look good when you look good babe? Don’t let these idiotic comments bother you.

Growing up, my mum labeled me a raggamuffin (still does sometimes). Friends still cringe when they see me throw change into my backpack. In high school, a classmate couldn’t bear to see me take money out from my bus pass holder or rummage through my bag for change anymore. She bought me a wallet, flung it in my face, and said, “use it”. She actually sat there and watched me place my cards and cash into that thing. It's hilarious now, but it was sheer torture then!

The way I am today is a VAST improvement from the past.
But still, combing means running fingers through my hair. Styling it means using an actual brush. The ONLY times I wished I had make-up in my bag were when I had to end up waiting for friends to touch up in washrooms. You can only blow-dry your hands so much before burning them to a crisp.
And I hardly shop. In fact I’m not even sure I even like it.

I was shopping with Steven in Europe.
STEVEN:
sometimes, I wonder.. are you a woman or what?

REN:
why?

STEVEN:
We just walked past a shoe shop and you didn’t even look in.

REN:
(shrugs shoulders, turns to another direction and points excitedly)
Look! Dunkin Donuts!

I’m making myself sound like a tomboy. Obviously, I’m not. I still consider myself to be a girly gal. I've even grown used to nicknames like tai tai, princess... etc.

I do live it up a little with the occasional massages and manicures. But my guiltiest pleasures are probably alcohol binges and travel sprees. I’m not sure if these add up to high maintenance, but having my whiskies and jet-setting are intangible luxuries that contribute to life experiences I can never put a price on. And if a man doesn’t understand that about me, I’d gulp down my wine before acting on my first impulse of allowing him lick it off from his own face. What a waste of alcohol that would be.

hmmm.. maybe i really AM "high" maintenance...

what have i become???

Ruby speaks :

I had a troubling day today.. my mind was just bursting to get out of the lunch date cos this guy asked me if i was high maintenance ??? i kinda froze for a moment, i didn't know how to reply...
I swear.. he could see the beats of nervous sweat form on my forehead as i frantically tried to keep my cool. i casually replied .. " just because i like dressing up.. it doesn't mean i'm high maintenance, you know.." * followed by nervous laughter..*

The moment we parted ways.. i was like a deranged woman on heels... I practically jumped on the road to get a taxi.. The word "HIGH MAINTENANCE" just rang in my head over and over the entire way home.. and i kept asking myself.. am i?? am i???

I tore apart my room and as i sat alongside the pile i have created, i realised that i have a total of 56 pairs of shoes, 40 bags, 62 pairs of undies, 33 bras, countless pairs of earrings, bracelets, watches and of course a bursting cupboard.. geeeezzzz! when did all this stuff start piling up!

surely i'm not H.M right? i need a while to ponder...

Does Size Matter?

*REN ponders.. “MOST ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, FUCKING, YES!”

REN speaks:
Sorry guys, I don’t care what has been said, researched, or proven… the truth of the matter is, if you fear your tool is not big enough, it probably isn‘t. Get help.

And for the girls, if you disagree, I feel even sorrier for you. Get help.

Okay, let’s seriously get into the THICK of this quality versus quantity debate.. Just as a rough guide… My Mr Possibly Perfect’s minimum requirement: length:girth = 6:5inches. Which I think is pretty reasonable, but of course, a bigger penis wouldn’t hurt anyone. Or does it?

MEN, stay on this window!!! I realize “DICKS are a man’s best friend”. You will love it, hold it, fondle it, talk to it, and maybe get your lives screwed over for it. Which is why I’m pleading with you boys to hang around for a few more minutes before you rush off to google for a reputable surgeon. Good news is that you might not need one. Strangely enough, there ARE enough women out there who do not enjoy larger penises as they are restrictive for certain sexual positions. I’ll let you chew on that..

Speaking of chewing, I was brinking on locked jaw syndrome on a few girth endowed. So men, don’t fret. You might after all, be adequate.
So perhaps, it would be more accurate to state that a SUITABLE size matters.

*Ren speaks to April, late 20s, recently married. The couple is Chinese.

REN:
Have you seen one the size of your index finger?

APRIL:
fully erected?? Hahaha…

REN:
i'm serious! That’s less than 3 inches man..

APRIL:
who you know with that?

REN:
my friend told me. What the fuck?

APRIL:
Haha…

REN:
then i asked another friend, even SHE saw one before.

APRIL:
really!? never saw b4. not like I've seen so many.

REN:
fuck man.. but the size of my finger???

APRIL:
well, he better be good with his other "appendages"

REN:
you still need the cock don‘t you?
A friend told me he saw it on chinese and japanese porn.
Erm…no offense..

TIT-ilating FUN

Ruby speaks :

Best birthday i ever had.. if i could say so myself! 23.. if definately a year of changes.. does it always feel this good to wake up beside a woman and have security officers knocking on your door at 4am in the morning asking you to shuush up cos you're too loud.. Quite frankly i find it pretty amusing! We actually ended up laughing quite a bit only to remind ourselves 5 mins later that if we were going to carry on, we needed to play it hush hush...

Both Ren and i comtemplated with the fact about spending the night together but somehow along the lines of gyrating, boob grabbing and an invitation to a threesome, the thought moved pretty quicky into action. = A HOTEL ROOM TO BE EXACT.

Sure we had tons of drinks but amazingly we still had some sanity to try to get someone to talk us out of it. We didn't even know we texted the same person asking for his two cents until much later... And now he's wishing he was there with us... ahhh! Maybe next time babe. : x
we'll REAAAALLLYYY GET DOWN TO PLAYING ARMY! the three of us!

Liberation is good.. having a choice is even better. Cock or no cock.. : )

Dance on the Dark Side

REN speaks:

Wines, whiskies, cosmos, and beers, elements of a great night. There were many opportunities for take-away cocks last night, one even tried his luck on a possibility for a threesome. But we didn’t. Ruby had her fill recently, and I wasn’t interested in fucks for fun. So it looks like our gay night worked. And maybe it worked a little TOO well.

Details? It was 4am. We heard a knock on the door. I looked through the peephole. I saw 2 men. Ho…ld your horses… they weren’t cocks-on-call. It was worse. They were security staff. Apparently, there were complaints that we were… ahem, too loud.
Oh, did I neglect to mention? We checked into a hotel.

We realized later we texted a friend. Perhaps we wanted to be talked out of it, but he thought we were pulling a fast one on him.

Oh well, turns out, the dark side ain’t so bad. We get it now. We get it now…