Mommy Dearest Episode 10

MUM:
I worry for your husband if you get married.

REN:
Why?

MUM:
If you ever find a guy, I’ll have to sit him down seriously and warn him about you..

REN:
What about?

MUM:
I will buy him kamasutra, feed him herbs and tonic for stamina, and
remind him, “boy, you have to be prepared to fuck my daughter real good.
Otherwise the marriage is doomed.”

Mommy Dearest Episode 9

This morning:

REN:
Cough cough! COUGH COUGH!
COUGH COUGH COUGH!!!!!!!!!!!
SHIT, my body is aching and my throat is fucked.

MUM:
Serves you right for over-drinking.

REN:
Can you call the travel agent for me and ask about the price for this....

MUM:
Can’t you call him yourself?

REN:
I’m going to get into a coughing fit if I speak..

MUM:
Yeah.. Talking, you can’t do.. But if a cock dangles in front of you, you’ll fuck.

REN:
Heeheeheehee…

That Lovin' Feeling

continued from previous entry: Pretty Pukis

Ren and Yen on MSN:

YEN:
i was planning to deprive Dan (Yen's husband) of sex, but he sneak-attack me, u think i could fucking plan dat????

REN:
YAY!!! so you fucked! hahahaha
so how? any difference?
how how how?

YEN:
felt good.
more ‘feeling’ then usual...

REN:
HAHAHAHA!! TOLD YOU!!!!
and you wanted to ban sex

YEN:
hey, it's not fair, he's supposed to get it done as well...

REN:
hahaha... so will you wax regularly?

YEN:
hur hur hur, dat will depend on dan...

REN:
ah ya!!! it's for your OWN benefit!!!

YEN:
as of now, it's a novelty for him, not sure abt long term tho. heh!

REN:
yes true.. but long term it's for you!!! What’s wrong with that?

YEN:
but i fucking suffer okay?!?!?!

REN:
HAHAHAHAHA
you don't hear me complaining
suffer for 15 minutes... reap the rewards later

YEN:
u r masochistic... wat else can i say?

REN:
it's worth it!!!
VERY VERY VERY worth it!

How to Kiss a Woman

REN speaks:

Came across this on the net. It might be quite a read, but men especially, should pay attention. I was just telling Ruby the other day.. "It is in his kiss".

I'm NOT saying that good kissers make good fuckers. But bad kissers are highly unlikely to be even decent in bed. Really.. it's tiring to have to avoid his lips the whole night. Trust me.

from: http://intimatexpressiongifts.com/page2.html

Never underestimate the power of the perfect kiss. Get it right, and the rest will fall into place.

It has been theorized that a woman decided within five minutes of meeting a man whether or not she will have sex with him. Possibly true, but there is one catch. Most women I know, myself included, may initially decide we'll have sex with a guy, but when we find out he's a bad or a mediocre kisser, we change our minds entirely.

We decide we will never have sex with this guy. He won't even get asked for a nightcap, much less for breakfast the next morning. As our lips part while we stand on the doorstep, we will announce that we have an early-morning meeting or (if you were really awful) that we're actually already married to someone else.

What Women say about the Kiss!

What we will never, ever say is, "God, you're a lousy kisser. I was going to have sex with you until just this moment." This is one of the ways in which men and women differ.

If a man is very attracted to a woman but discovers she's a bad or mediocre kisser, he'll probably have sex with her anyway if presented with the opportunity. A woman can't get past a bad kiss. (Unless, of course, she's a horrible kisser herself, but we're not talking about those women here.) Experience has shown most women that a bad kiss only spells trouble down the road, so to speak. After all, if he hasn't mastered kissing and fails to see its sensual possibilities, what hope is there for, ahem, anything else?

What makes a Good Kiss?

Oh, the egos we would crush if men could hear the post-mortems. If any guys happen to be running with us, they immediately demand to know what exactly constitutes a bad or good kisser. So we tell them about the all-purpose litmus test: A bad kisser, reguardless of whether he likes to secrete a gallon of drool or waggle his head like a dog menacing a bone, seems to be simultaneously thinking: " When can we get to step two? And three and four? Is she aroused yet? can I put my hand on her breast now?" He sees kissing as the next step on a carnal quest. The good kisser, however, sees the kiss as the destination itself. He kisses as if he will never do anything else with this woman, as if he never wants to do anything else with this woman. He kisses as if this is what he's been dying to do for years and he wants to savor every moment. I guarantee you that this is when the woman decides there will be other activities on the agenda.

Kisses a Woman wants and those She doesn't

The disappointment of a bad kiss is a recurring topic of discussion among a group of single women I run with in the park several times a week. "It turns into a fabric softener thing," says Nora, a blond from Dallas, when describing the previous night's date. "You know, where the guy kisses you and it's so bad but you've got to finish it up so your mind wanders and you start wondering if you have enough fabric softener to do two loads of laundry the next day?" She laughs. "So I'm thinking about that, and the guy says, "Wow! You're very passionate."

The first thing to remember: When in Doubt, Go Slowly. Make that first kiss slow and gentle and easy. While you may want to demonstrate that you're a cauldron of seething desire, save that for later, when you're both sufficiently warmed up. In the meantime, resist the urge to mash your face against hers so hard your teeth collide and she ends up with brush burns from your stubble. One woman in our running group actually passed out during a particularly bad kiss of this sort, when the man pressed his face to hers so tightly he blocked off her nose with his cheek, mistook her thrashing for passion, and suddenly felt her body go limp. "I was out for maybe thrity seconds," she says. "Fortunately, he had me in a bear hug, so I didn't hit the ground. Of course, he thought I passed out because the kiss was so good." This is what's known as the Harrison Ford School of Making Out. Watch him in the movies,and watch his costar's face get twisted out of shape from the sheer force. this is also why they're panting afterward. It's not from desire, it's oxygen deprivation. So the second thing to remember while kissing is to make sure she can still breathe through her nose.

There are other movie stars who perpetuate bad kissing styles. There's the Tom Cruise Method (as seen in Top Gun), whereby his tongue is already slithering out before he's met her lips. This is also referred to as the Lizard-King Style, and once lip-locked, it may also feature the rather grotesque tongue-insterted-rapidly-in-and-out. Most women do not cherish the idea of kissing a large anaconda, which is what this must be similar to. Equally unappealing is when the guy's tongue seems to be on a thorough search for any food trapped between the woman's molars. This is her tongue's job, not yours. The only response possible is for the woman to open her mouth wide and remain motionless while he finishes his routing, a posture that calls to mind trips to the dentist.

The Right Way To Kiss a Woman

Like great sex and good dancing, any tongue action should involve a give-and-take, with both parties allowed the opportunity for interaction in a saliva-laden minuet. Get into a groove with this, and every now and then you may want to stop for a short time while still joined at the lips. Like being on a dance floor and suddenly holding your partner motionless, it can have the galvanizing effect of heightening the sensation. this is ideally practiced in places like a dark booth in a dive bar with a great jukebox. Just make sure your sleeve doesn't catch fire from the candle on the table.

The Best Kisses and a request for you guys

Daniel Day-Lewis belongs in the kissing hall of fame for Best Use of Hands. Hegently caresses his costar's face and touches her hair, a model of how hands can increase the erotic pleasure of the moment. Bear in mind the hands should not be used to prevent the woman from going anywhere or to clamp her head into one uncomfortable position. Remember most women like men to toy gently with their hair. After decades of bad press about sticky hairsprays and helmet hair, most of us have been using products to enhance "touchability" and are favoring hairstyles that look good a bit tousled. So go ahead and touch hair. And quit using all that sticky hairspray and goo so we can go back to touching yours.

Finally, I offer this suggestion: Try opening your eyes. I once cautiously opened my eyes while kissing and saw a pair of brown eyes staring back at me, which made the kiss even better because it became more intimate. Some people find this to be an impossible task (like sneezing with your eyes open), but while the prevailing belief is that we must try to block out all other sensations, you may find that kissing with your eyes open is the sensual equivalent of making love with the lights on. And if you're going to be kissing for several hours in a make-out bar, it's a good idea to peek periodically at the where-abouts of your drinks, her purse, and your wallet.

Esquire GENTLEMAN, Fall 1995.Volume 3. No. 2. pg 41-42. Savoir Faire Column

DATEline for Relationship Cock

RUBY:
I’m in a super horny mood!

REN:
I’m ok now actually.. Horny, but I won’t be dropping coasters today. Hahaha..

RUBY:
I’m ready to do anything!!

(Ruby sits closer to Ren)

REN:
Get away from me… if there’s anything I learned, I’m fucking straight.

RUBY:
Hahaha! Cheebai!

REN:
But it was an interesting experience though.. You know.. I think we weren’t prepared.

RUBY:
Does that mean we need to give it another shot? I don’t mind..

REN:
Perhaps we do.. But I’m not hurry now.. Fuck I think we can’t live without cocks.

RUBY:
I need a relationship cock. We need to hurry!! We're running out of time! REN: Hahahaha... What's our deadline again?

RUBY:
18th February 2007 for you. (Chinese New Year)
28th March 2007 for me. (Ruby's birthday)

REN:
seriously? shit... i'll have to push it.

RUBY:
NO! CHEEBAI! no more pushing!

REN:
Ok, fine.. i'll just shut my eyes, fuck, and get into a mercy-relationship.. Just to meet the bloody deadlines. Happy???

RUBY:
yes! we must be serious about this!!!

REN:
okay.. by 18th February, maybe i should just settle for any cock. i should stop being so picky. if he's nice enough with an acceptable kotek, what the fuck... i'll compromise.

RUBY:
you have to!

REN:
ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS?

RUBY:
Hahahaha... What about Mr. LP? You know he’s a nice guy. And he’ll treat you good.

REN:
I know.. But you know.. I swear, I never fucked him.. I’m not sure if I want to. I’ve avoided even physical closeness so many times.

RUBY:
So go find out what his kotek is like, then decide. For all you know, you’ll love it! I seriously think he might have a good one on him!

REN:
Actually, maybe. But haven’t you learned anything?
NEVER JUDGE A COCK BY ITS COVER!!! REMEMBER!!! Hahaha!

RUBY:
Haha.. But seriously.. I think you should do it.. Put him out of his misery!

REN:
Perhaps.. But I know I’ll ruin what we have if we fuck.. He won’t be able to accept it.

RUBY:
Just get drunk and blame it on alcohol.

REN:
But he knows how much I drink. I never get that drunk. I just drink and sleep. He knows that much about me.

RUBY:
Ok I know.. We go out, and he joins.. I leave and say you’re really high and will ask him to take care of you.. You continue drinking and get “drunk”.. just fake it!

REN:
That might work..

RUBY:
Yeah!

REN:
CRAZY!

RUBY:
Then the next morning, just be frustrated with yourself and blame it on alcohol.

REN:
But I can’t do that.. It would mean I will only fuck him when I’m drunk and don’t know what the hell I’m doing.. Isn’t that insulting?

RUBY:
CHEEBAI! What you want? You have a deadline to meet!!! Just do that mercy fuck! Find out about that kotek once and for all!

REN:
I can’t do that.. Not to him. If I wanted to, I would have long time ago.

RUBY:
SIGH!!!

*REN speaks:
Ruby met Mr LP once.
She said.. “Mr. LP is a really nice guy but you‘ll be bored in no time.”
Deep Down, I always knew she was right.. I still maintain that I never made bad choices, but they sure weren’t the right ones, for me.

Friends wonder why I avoid relationships or if i'm commitment-phobic, but i'm really not. It's just that over the last couple of years, I've been trying my best to avoid starting something I know I can't finish. I've been trying my best not to go through another break-up. For his sake, AND mine.

I always tell my closest friends, it's not that i'm secretive about my dating life. it's just that i don't see the need to talk about it if i knew it was going to end before it starts. So what is there to tell? I feel that if I met someone I really liked, enough to finally try for a real relationship, enough to explore the possibilities of something more than mere fun, I will be more than willing to announce my commitment.

Ruby and I spoke a lot about settling for less.
Nice enough guy, with an acceptable cock (can’t compromise on THAT)…
that’s ALL we ask for now.

We each have guy whom we could see ourselves compromising with to fulfill our deadlines. She fucked her potential relationship cock. I didn't.. and am still wondering if it's a good idea to change the dynamics of that relationship.

Ruby definitely has less trouble going through this.
I, on the other hand, think too much about the consequences.

But who knows.. I might actually relent.

Mr. C - Did She or Didn’t She?

REN speaks:
I gave Ruby the impression that I was getting some action with Mr. C last weekend. Told her to stop messaging me because I was gettin' busy.

The next day, she sees me on msn.

RUBY:
OI! OI! Pretend never me is it??? chebai!

REN:
haha..

RUBY: How was it?? kekeke

REN:
i lied to you

RUBY:
CHEBAIIII!
FUCKER!
CHEBAI! CHEBAI!
Got me excited for Nothing! USELESS.. the both of you! Now i am pissed. Heaving. Not talking to u already.

REN:
Poo Poo POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
talk to me please??????
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
POOOOOOOOOOO
POOOOOOOOOOO
POOOOOOOOOOO
POOOOOOOOOOO my little poo pea
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
kiss kiss?

RUBY:
Not working! NOT WORKING!

REN:
what can i do? POO

RUBY:
Nothing can fix it. i am broken.

REN:
would it help if i said the room was really nice?

RUBY:
CHEBAI! How would u kNow?

REN:
HAHAHAHAHHAHA well.. i do

RUBY:
YAY!

REN:
HAHA

RUBY:
so u did the fucker! YAY! YAY! YAY!

REN:
*gigglegiggle

RUBY:
I am pl…eased! VERY VERY PLEASED!!

REN:
Proud of yourself eh?

(Ruby has seen Mr. C and I interact briefly on a few occasions, and formed her own conclusion that we were a perfect match.)

RUBY:
Of cos! I told you from the start! You guys will be great together!

REN:
I'm still curious how the hell you determined that.

RUBY:
Of course i knew! I knew from DAY ONE! I had a feeling! I'm good at these things! Only for others that is..

REN:
YA YA!! okay!! You, the wise love goddess!!!

RUBY:
So you got your Fuckable Face! Did you fuck his face? Did you? Did you? Did you? Don't lie to me!!!! What am I talking about.. Why am i asking even??? Of course you did!!!!

REN:
Hahahaha... Well, we WERE talking about him when I came up with that term! I can’t let down the inspiration for that phrase, can I?

RUBY:
I am pl…eased! VERY PLEASED!! VERY VERY PLEASED!! You and Mr. C make a fabulous pair! TRUST ME!!

REN:
FINE YOU CHEEBAI!! OKAY! You the smart one! You were right.. I had a fantastic time!! HAPPY??? PUKI!!!

RUBY:
I am VERY PLEASED!!
VERY VERY P...LEASED!!

*REN speaks:
A quick review on Mr. C...

I actually got to know Mr. C several years ago, but things didn't happen then. We didn't go beyond our first date. We both felt at that time, while there was mutual physical attraction, we were obviously incompatible. We went on to see other people, and never thought we would see each other again. Only recently, by some strange twist of fate, we had the opportunity to meet. It's amazing that after all these years, we found ourselves still attracted to each other, but more freakishy, we've grown to become 2 peas in a pod. We share many common habits and hold similar outlooks on life.

I won’t explain as yet, why we’re not meeting again anytime soon…
but Hmmm..
Sometimes I do wonder, will I ever see this Fuckable Face again?

The Die is Cast.. And it’s Straight as Hell

REN speaks:
Same night.. continued from the previous entry:
Since I was in charge of the birthday activities, it was a given that I was going to get the girls drunk. We started at 6pm, and by 7pm, Yen passed out and Vicky was in a jolly mood. Vicky’s friends showed up to surprise her, and my friend Darren popped by for a few. I told Darren about my close lesbian encounter with Ruby and decided that I was definitely straight. He wasn’t surprised.


I was telling Mr. C about it on MSN:

REN:
Okay.. i'm definitely most positively fucking straight
i tried some girl on girl action again last night..


Mr. C:
Wow..

REN:
So i was dancing with one of them.. kissing and all. stopped male human traffic man. Hahaha.
I reached under her skirt, up her legs, grabbed her ass, pulled her undies aside, and tried to feel her up. It was actually tough for me to fondle her because I was trying to touch her without having to hurt her with my fingernails. But I got a good feel. I decided to tease the other one as well who was passed out in the corner. I climbed on her, pinned her down and felt her up too.

Mr. C:
whow hwio whwow. where????

REN:
no 5s


Mr. C:
u are something u know

REN:
after that, i went to Darren, sat beside him and said... i am so god damn straight

Mr. C:
lol
i can ttoally imagine

REN:
no more pukis for me.. cocks are good. Hahaha.. not my thang
CONFIRMED
SEALED
CLOSED
felt 2 pukis in a night.. that's enough to last me a lifetime.. another thing checked off my to-do things in life.. i'm happy

Mr. C:
why the sudden urge?

REN:
no urge. just to satisfy that curiosity. some things in life i just have to know. Then move on.

Mr. C:
did Darren see it

REN:
yes he did. i was right in front of him. hahaha

Mr. C:
Awesome. damn gf...where was Ruby?

REN:
She wasn't there. This was a different group of friends.

Mr. C:
she would have freaked out

REN:
she would have KILLED me!!

Pretty Pukis

REN speaks:
I brought 2 of my girlfriends, Yenyen and Vicky for Brazilian waxes for their birthdays yesterday.
3 of us walked into separate rooms. It was the first time for Yenyen, and Vicky’s third. I could hear Yen screaming in pain from my end.
That bought us many laughs..
I had massages and then drinks at no. 5s planned for us after that.
So after the wax, we were on our way, walking to the massage parlor..

REN:
Is it me, but don’t you feel extra horny after the wax? I know I always do.

YEN and VICKY:
Er.. No..

REN:
Hmmm..
I can’t WAIT to have sex. It feels cleaner and looks hotter to me. All I’m thinking about now is someone going down on me. It has to be better for the guy too. That’s what I imagine...
Hahaha.. And the sex feels better too.

VICKY:
I actually prefer hair.. But it’s ok.. It doesn’t make a difference to my boyfriend anyway.

REN:
That’s so sad.
I do know many men who don’t have a preference.. But when it’s different, it should matter for awhile, no?

VICKY:
Yeah, but nope. No reaction from him the first time I did it.

REN:
Even just by me walking now, it’s making me fucking horny. I wonder if it has anything to do with the structure of our vaginas. Or maybe I’m just plain fucking horny. Hahaha..

YEN:
Well, I know I’m not having sex with Dan (her husband) tonight.. He’s not fucking me unless he goes for one too.

REN:
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWHAT?????

YEN:
Yup.

REN:
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWHY?

YEN:
It’s just my thing.. I always told him I will only do it if he does it. So either he gets waxed soon, or he’ll never fuck me bare.

REN:
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWHAT?????
You have cock waiting for you at home, and you’re not going to fuck him after your first time getting a Brazilian? Are you nuts? Are you freakin’ nuts?

YEN:
Nope. Not going to do it.

REN:
I’m ALREADY dying to have sex right now!! How can you not do it??

YEN:
Why not..

REN:
That’s silly! You’re not torturing HIM! You’re torturing YOURSELF!!!

YEN:
I don't care. Still not going to do it.

REN:
DAMN!!!! I don’t even get how that is humanly possible!!

COCK-a-doodle-doo morning, noon and night

Previous article with the same title here.

(S-word sisters in a cab on their way home last night..)

REN:
I feel like a BIG continental breakfast. Breadrolls, home fries, mushrooms, bacon and eggs… fluffy, cheesy, scrambled eggs.. mmmmmm… perfect after a big night out.



RUBY:
Actually I think it’s worth it to get a hotel room. Since it usually comes with free breakfasts for 2, it pays off staying the night.



REN:
True.. but what’s the point.. the cocks we get together with always have their own place. It’s silly to get a room.

RUBY:
I meant you and ME!!!!! YOU AND ME!! YOU AND MEEEEEE!!

REN:
Oh.. Hahahahahaha!!!!

RUBY:
Cheebai you know you!!! Can you NOT think about cock for just ONE second??!!!
CHEEBAI!!!!

Borderline Lesbians - The Final Chapter

Continued from this previous entry: Never Judge a Cock by it's Cover

Still at No. 5s.. (the pub) No cute cocks in sight… we started exploring the options of realizing our closure fuck sooner than we expected.

RUBY:
What if we do it, and like it so much we can't turn back?

REN:
Hahaha.. it's a risk we have to take.

RUBY:
Yeah! So where shall we do it?

REN:
I don’t know...

RUBY:
But where..

REN:
Fuck, let’s go back to my place.

RUBY:
Let’s go.

(we gulped down our drinks and rushed to the taxi stand)

REN:
Have you ever walked this fast.. Damn!!! You do realize we’ve never rushed to get home this
quick..

RUBY:
Yeah! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

(we sit in the cab.. Slightly awkward)

REN:
I don’t think we’ve ever sat that far away from each other

RUBY:
Hahaha… yeah!

REN:
Ok.. I need another drink for this.

RUBY:
I know!

REN:
I don’t have any mixers.. All I have at home is whiskey.. Do you need to grab a bottle of wine?

RUBY:
It’s ok.. I’m fine

REN:
Fuck.. I feel like a man..

RUBY:
Hahaha!!!

(we get back home.. I poured a glass of chivas, and gulped it down. I put on some music and set the best lighting i could in my room. Ruby was on the bed in her tube dress.. Me in a white tank top and jeans. I settled myself beside her.)

REN:
Okok.. Fuck, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing..

RUBY:
You think I do?

REN:
Have you ever done it with a woman?

RUBY:
No..

REN:
I haven’t either.. Fuck man.. How the hell do we do this..



(Ruby was a cool cat. I was obviously the fucking nervous one. But after 5 minutes, her dress was pulled down, she unhooked my bra like no man could, and my jeans was unbuttoned and unzipped. I decided to dive right in. We kissed, we groped… but we laughed every 5 seconds. We had regular intervals to decipher what each other liked.)

REN: I am trying to think like a man!

RUBY:
Think L-word.. Pick a character from the series.


REN:
Okok.. (i shut my eyes, decided on a character and continued)

RUBY:
Stop thinking about the girl in from the cafe.

REN:
Hahaha.. Marina... How did you know?

RUBY:
CHEEBAI!!!!

(we made out some more. I tried to take control like how I would like it if a man were to do me. So i grabbed her legs, ass and travelled up her skirt. I totally forgot she didn't really fancy that. Essentially, she was a breast woman.. So I climbed on top of her, kissed her and tried to fondle. She also didn't like it when her nipples were tickled. I was at a loss. Everything i did wasn’t the way she preferred it.
And the way she handled me was too gentle and soft. I liked strength, control, toughness.. firm caresses... She did and needed a lot of light fondling and coaxing.. I couldn't do all that.. Her skin was too feminine to touch... and so was mine to her.
She realized my breasts were softer. I explored her nipples and realized they were very different from mine. She was very sensitive when I tried to reach down under.
and so on... )

RUBY:
we're exploring each other like we're on the Discovery Channel! CHEEBAI!



REN:
Hahahaha... Ok, this ain’t working.

(I threw myself on my back.)

RUBY:
well, at least, we got it over and done with... and we know for sure.

(we turned to each other and cuddled.)

REN:
yeah.. seriously, i had this whole scene played out in my head on the way here.. but somehow, it didn't turn out that way.. strange huh?

RUBY:
okay.. so now we know we can't be gay. it's back to the kotek market!!

REN:
(i put my hands on my forehead.)
DAMN, I'm so fucking straight..

This morning at 9am, Ruby messages me:
Good Morning straight8 pukipoo! Haha!

REN:
Hahaha! We are such losers!


RUBY:
it's ok! Poopoo! Least we tried! Now with renewed vigour! we both are gonna start looking out for men for each other! you need to fucking pimp me man!

Never Judge a Cock by it’s Cover

Continued from the previous entry... For Puki Emergencies, please call: PUKI-POO

So what happened when we met at 5:30pm at no. 5s?

RUBY:
POO!!!!!! (sob!!!!!!)

REN:
Tell me, tell me..

RUBY:
So I dressed up to meet this potential kotek..

REN:
And, and???!!!!

RUBY:
He changed so much.. he looked EVEN BETTER!!! He had a cute face, with dimples and all..

REN:
I bet you were already naming you kids when you saw him..

RUBY:
Yeah!!! But then… later i found out... he had a skinny cock! CHEEBAI SIAL!!!!!

REN:
HAHAHAHAHA!! Like what?
(I was trying to gauge with my hands)

RUBY:
He was normal.. of normal length, but skinny man! And he came so fast!!! CHEEBAI!!!! SOB!!!!!!!

REN:
Fast like what… 5 minutes?

RUBY:
Yeah! CHEEBAI!!! SOB!!!!!!!!!

REN:
Why do these things always happen to you? Hahahaha!
Where do you pick up these fuckers from?

RUBY:
i don't know!!!!!! SOBBBBBBBBBBB!!!!

REN:
so even his foreplay didn't make up for it?

RUBY:
what foreplay!!! CHEEBAI LAH!!!

REN:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

RUBY:
I’m depressed! SOB!!!!! Hahahahaha!!

REN:
This might be a bad time to bring it up, but I’m still spazzing…

(I grabbed firmly onto my glass of whiskey soda with one hand, and the coaster with my other. Because I was spazzing all week, the coaster somehow flung over the table and fell under it.)

REN:
FUCK!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

RUBY:
CHEEBAI!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

REN:
I’m sorry! I almost dropped my bowl of peanuts just now too.. Which is why I’m not even trying to lift anything right now.. HAHAHAHA!!!

RUBY:
CHEEBAI!!!

REN:
I’m sorry.. But your story reminds me of one of mine. I kept this episode with this particular kotek from you.. He had a fucking handsome cock. He had a beeeeeeeautiful one…but ok.. It’s YOUR day today..

RUBY:
CHEEBAI!!!! You had cock and didn‘t tell me!!! TELL ME!!!

REN:
Well, if I HAVE to talk about it, he was someone I could have had 4 years ago.. I don’t want to mention specifics.. So let me call him Mr. International Man of Mystery… this was what happened…
I bumped into Mr. IMM at a club, and we were flirting. My hands were guided to his… “package”. I was still flirting in jest... but when my hands met his cock, I turned to look at him and my jaw dropped.. He said…

Mr. IMM:
What…

REN:
Fuck!! You have a good one on you!

Mr. IMM:
Hahaha.. Thank you.. But you refused to have it four years ago..

REN:
Damn!!!

Mr. IMM:
And it’s not even completely hard yet.

REN:
I know!!! And I’m already amazed!!!
(after about 15 minutes of flirting. I groped him, he stuck his fingers in me from under my black cotton mini skirt.)

Mr. IMM:
So… I know you didn’t want to do it the last time, but I’m going to try asking you again.. Shall we go back to my place?

REN:
(without hesitation)
Let’s go.

Mr. IMM:
Give me 5 minutes to finish my beer.

REN:
ok.. but i might change my mind.

Mr. IMM:
(He immediately gulped down his beer).
Let's go.

REN to RUBY:
I said goodbye to my friends and we headed off. To make long story short…He had a GOR….GEOUS cock. Not too small, not too huge.. And beeeeeeeeautifully sculptured..

RUBY:
CHEEBAI!!! SOB!!!!!!!!!!!

REN:
Ruby, after hearing your story, I’ve concluded. It’s a new theory. Listen good now. the reason why I didn’t fuck Mr. IMM 4 years ago was because I didn’t think he had a good one.. He was a nice guy and all.. We got along then.. But I was stubborn enough not to fuck him or think about exploring a potential relationship with the guy. I went out with someone else and we lost contact. A couple of years later, he left Singapore. but so what.. I didn’t think he had great cock potential anyway. So that night was 2 years after he left and he was here on a business trip…I was spasming out of control then.. meaning to get rid of the tingling I was suffering from the previous kotek, I thought bad sex was the cure… fuck, this kotek made my shaking worse!


So! From my experience and your recent one, remember…
"NEVER JUDGE A COCK BY ITS COVER."
(Ruby and I always judged the size from the way guys wore their pants).



RUBY:
So how.. Next time, must touch is it?

REN:
YES! That’s the BEST test! ALWAYS feel! Always… ALLLLLLWAYS!!
This fucker had hidden talents!!!! Mr. IMM looked unimpressive, but he was a work of art!!! While your cock yesterday looked promising, he failed to deliver and earned his title of Mr. SK. (=Skinny Kotek). So trust me.. ALWAYS feel them up!

RUBY:
HAHAHAHA!!! ok! SET! i agree! CHEEBAI! SOB!!!!! I’m still depressed!!! CHEEBAI!!!

(half an hour later…we were both spasming out of control. Sitting next to each other on a sofa bench in the pub.)

RUBY:
Feel my goosebumps! I so need a fuck!

REN:
So do I! My puki is so tense… do you know how many times I’ve been to the toilet today to clean myself up?

RUBY:
Cheebai!!! I don’t need to hear this!!!

REN:
i can feel the goosebumps on your arm rubbing against mine.. CHEEBAI!

RUBY:
Cheebai! Stop it!

REN:
What.. Am I turning you on?

The night wasn’t over… Stay tuned…

For Puki Emergencies, please call: PUKI-POO

REN speaks:

Today, I was sitting in the office, spazing out of control since morning..

Then I get an SMS from Ruby.

12:55pm

RUBY:
Pukipoo! Emergency! Emergency! Let me buy you a drink at No. 5s later!

(Before I could reply, she calls me... RING RING!!)

REN:
Hello poo! What’s the emergency????

RUBY:
I can’t tell you over the phone! So can you meet up later or not??

REN:
Depends.. is it a real emergency or what?

RUBY:
It’s real! It’s real!!

REN:
Is it good or bad?

RUBY:
BAD! BAD!! BAD!!!!

REN:
Are you laughing or crying? I can’t make out…

RUBY:
BOTH!!! BOTH!!!! (Hahahaha!!! Sob!!!!!! Sob!!!!! Hahahaha!!! Sob!!!!!! Sob!!!!!)

REN:
Give me the gist. Didn’t you get fucked last night finally?

RUBY:
Sob!!!!!! Sob!!!!! The fucker’s kotek kecik (small in Malay) sia!!!!!!!

REN:
FUCK!!! I thought he was cool, dresses well and gorgeous??? All that anticipation for nothing???? You even had to receive him at the airport for fuck’s sake!!! CHEEBAI BETUL!!!!

RUBY:
YA LA!!!!! CHEEBAI!!!! (Hahahaha!!! Sob!!!!!! Sob!!!!!)
So poo!!! Can meet or not???? (SOBBB!!!!!!)

REN:
YES YES!!! My god.. you weren’t kidding!!! This IS a REAL emergency!!!
Kesihan you!!!!! (=you poor thing you!!!)

RUBY:
That’s why!!! Okay!!! So 5:30pm at no.5s!!!!

**Stay tuned to find out…
-More about Ruby’s puki depression,
-And why I woke up, shaking.

Mommy Dearest Episode 8

REN speaks:

This morning in the dining room:

REN:
Do you happen to be going to IKEA today?

MUM:
Maybe… Why? You need wine glasses?

REN:
Hahahahaha… er… no… why do you assume I want glasses?

MUM:
What else is there with you? It must be something to do with Indians or Alcohol.

REN:
Hahahahahahaha!!! But you’re right.. I want to check out something for an Indian friend.

MUM:
See? What did I tell you?

REN:
Hehehe…

MUM:
Which reminds me, you better take care of your liver..

REN:
Ya ya ya…

MUM:
(loud frustrated sigh)
Bloody fool… you take SSSSSUCH excellent care of your puki (pussy), but fucking neglect your liver. CHEEBAI!!!!

Mr. C - A Prick Preview

REN speaks:
To refresh your memory, Ruby drew up to-do lists for the both of us some time back.
Full entry here. "To do" lists - slightly closer to reality

Ruby's list: 1. Winandro 2. Dennis 3. lardass

Ren's list: 1. Mr. C 2. Calvin 3. BC

The rule was that even if we did number 2 or 3 on our list, number 1 STILL had to be done. If number one was conquered first, we ditch the rest and come up with a new list.
I always thought Ruby would be the one to get closer to fulfilling it.. But as it turned out, I was pleasantly surprised to find myself one step closer to my no.1... Mr. C.

Additional info on Mr. C: I always told Ruby I have this obsession over this quality of a Fuckable Face. (previous entry on FF here) (Not a handsome face per se… like what I told Rube, there were some good-looking men who don’t look appealing when they’re fucking.. And when I feel that their facial expression during sex turns me off, I just close my eyes, continue with the mercy fuck and at the same time, think about what to have for supper.

You see, if I love your face (eyes),
1. you could eye-fuck me into a spasm even without touching me.
2. I would love to look straight at you when you’re in and all around me.

Mr. C was also on my list of Fuckable faces, amongst 2 married men (and therefore, untouchable), and Ruby. So, imagine… the s…weet bonus.

Few days ago on MSN:
Mr. C:
hello there… so u wanna do the web thingy

REN:
Yeah.. let me see your face.. just your face. that's all i ask.. for NOW

Mr. C:
Sure.. you could see more..

REN:
let me decide.. i want to see your eyeeeeeees

Mr C is inviting you to start a Video Conversation. Do you want to accept (Alt+C) or decline (Alt+D) the invitation?
You have accepted the invitation to start a Video Conversation.

Mr. C:
Do you see me?

REN:
YAY!!!!

Mr. C:
what abt u?

REN:
Seeeeeeeeexy.. i have no webcam

Mr. C:
come on

REN:
haaaaandsome..... look up..

(Mr. C looks up)

REN:
fuck.. SPAZ oh man.. im paralyzed

Mr. C:
buy one tom. i wanna see u

REN:
where are your eyes..

(he adjusts the camera)

ah.... fuck you're cute..

Mr. C:
and i am naked under the sheets

REN:
(I spotted something big, thick and hairy)
are you showing me something?

Mr. C:
yeah i was.. hahaha

REN:
what part is that..

Mr. C:
that was my hairy arm.. hahahaha

REN:
hahaha.. you scared me for a bit!!!

Mr. C:
Haha.. it ain’t that big
i am ok though. hahahaha
can i ask u something

REN:
yeah?

Mr. C:
u wanna see the real deal?
lemme get it hard..

REN:
hehe

Mr. C:
give me a min
maybe we shouldn’t over internet.. what if they track us. I am screwed. lol..
ok a peek.. look away for a min

REN:
sure thing. haha

Mr. C:
There.. hold on

REN:
ok.. i see a t-shirt

Mr. C:
hold on.. look away

REN:
you humping the comp or what...

Mr. C:
There.. u saw it for a min

REN:
i have to say.. it's adequate.. PHEW! kiss kiss

Mr. C:
i cant till u swallow it.. u swallow? i love that hahahaha

REN:
of course i do

Mr. C:
i love it man.. the angle ain’t right

REN:
you're like directing a movie there

Mr. C:
are u good at blows?

REN:
who knows

Mr. C:
i think you are... i love blows and giving blows

REN:
it depends on what the guys like

Mr. C:
but u love sucking cock

REN:
of course.

Mr. C:
i love sucking pussy

REN:
BUT i can't say i like 69.. i like to focus

Mr. C:
well neither do I.. one at a time

REN:
PERFECT! hehe

Mr. C:
would u love it if i blew over you

REN:
mmmmm...

Mr. C:
on yer tits and face.. wow cant wait..

REN:
another warning:if you’re good, i get selfish VERY SELFISH

Mr. C:
i would lick u clean
no prb there

REN:
i only get selfish when i really enjoy it. so take it as a compliment

Mr. C:
did u like what u see

REN:
Love it babe...

Mr. C:
i am alright

REN:
you are

Mr. C:
i might not be dirk diggler but i do dig .. hhahaa

REN:
you're a handsome fucker you know that right..

Mr. C:
am i? really

REN:
yes you are

Mr. C:
seriously

REN:
yes.. Your personality.. i'm beginning to find out

Mr. C:
hmm and what is it that u did find out.. a shallow depthless bastardo

REN:
nah.. you're more
but you might not show it

Mr. C:
yeah same as u
well alright hon.. i did my bit. Tomorrow u owe me a web cam visit and spread the good word abt me being alright.. well endowed, normal. not a freak, not a 2 inch wonder hahahahhaa

REN:
Yeah.. thank god! PHEW!

Mommy Dearest Episode 7

REN speaks:
Mum was telling me about her friend, Annie. Annie was complaining about her boyfriend, Tony. Tony sticks to her like glue 24 hours a day.

MUM:
It’s horrible. How can any woman take it.. A man always wanting it..

REN:
Wait, wait, wait… wwwwwwwwwwwwait… so by sticking to her like glue, it’s not because he’s possessive, but rather he wants to fuck her all the time?

MUM:
Yeah.

REN:
THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROBLEM???!!!!!

MUM:
Come on man! Like ALL the time? You need to be in the mood for these things..

REN:
Not in the mood??? Not in the mood? NOT IN THE MOOOOOOD????
She jolly well GET in the mood!!
For pete’s sake! She’s fucking 65!! She dares to complain????? She’s god damn lucky she can still get it!! Not to mention the fact that Tony can still fuck at HIS age!
HELL!!!! If SHE’S not having him, I’LL take him!!!!

Have you ever been so horny, you…

-wished your bus ride was longer than it is, especially when you’re seated near the engine?

-missed your bus/train stop because you were so absorbed in a sexual thought?

-moaned so loud, the passenger in front of you turns to wonder if you were talking to them?

-had to take deep breaths every 5 seconds so as not to moan in public?

-went out of breath even when you were stationery?

-walked each step like you were making love to the floor?

-lost your balance because of uncontrollable spasms?

-dropped a hair clip because the spasms reached the tip of your fingers?

-gripped on to your mobile phone so tight, because you were afraid your shaking hands might not be able to hold on to it?

-couldn’t eat because holding on to cutlery with trembling hands was a challenge in itself?

-walked purposefully to a destination, but forgot where the hell you were going halfway?

-couldn’t stand up from your seat at work because your vagina was pulsating out of control?

-needed to stand up because sitting and crossing your legs was too “painful”?

-felt like you could cum by the slightest body contact?

-secretly wished there was an anesthetic you could take to tone town the sensation in your puki?

-couldn’t wait to gulp down 4 large drinks so as to numb the discomfort?

- felt like you could do anyone, and worry like hell that you might do something/someone you’ll regret?

- felt so tense you couldn’t even look into someone’s eyes, or have a proper conversation?

- felt so tense you couldn’t even crack a friendly smile?

-get turned on by the strands of your own hair brushing against your shoulders?

-had to make frequent visits to the ladies for the sole purpose of cleaning up?

-lost concentration during a work meeting because you drifted off to a sexual fantasy?

-were almost convinced that the constant throbbing below could be an infection?


*REN speaks:
Come on ladies, tell me NOW… PLEASE!!!
that I am not the only one..
because I COULD go on..

Related entries:
http://s-wordsisters.blogspot.com/2006/06/take-precaution-for-spasms-cos-its.html
http://s-wordsisters.blogspot.com/2006/06/puki-has-pulse.html

Mommy Dearest Episode 6

REN speaks:

Breakfast with Mum last week:
We're sitting across from each other at the dining table.

REN:
So the other day at work, I was…

(Mum looks down to take a bite of her food. So I paused for what I thought was 2 seconds. She looks up, but I didn‘t notice. I didn‘t even realize I was still looking at her. So you can imagine how blank my stare was. She continues to take another spoonful, and mumbles loud enough for me to hear..)

MUM:
Basket.. She can’t even remember she was in the middle of telling me a story. Look at her face.. She must be thinking about one of her sexual episodes…

REN:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! What makes you think so?

MUM:
(rolls her eyes) What else can it be????

Mommy Dearest Episode 5

REN speaks:

Mum gets excited when I take a little more effort in my dressing. One morning last week, I had time to kill before heading for work. So I was trying on different pairs of footwear.. (although I knew I was going to walk out in my sneaks.)

MUM:
Sandals will definitely look better with that outfit. Why don’t you wear that one?

REN:
Yeah I know, but I’m not in the mood today. I’ll wear this pair of blue sneaks.

MUM:
But you wear that everyday.



REN:
So? You’re telling me every morning, you want to fuck me..
Are you saying I’m not fuckable today?

MUM:
No no.. I STILL want to fuck you.

REN:
So what’s the problem? I love my new sneakers.

MUM:
Well, if you wear sneakers, it’ll take longer for you to undress and fuck.
Wear the sandals.
You can just kick them off and jump straight into bed.